Category Archives: Suicide

The Anguish of Depression

10 Apr 2016

Many like to use the metaphor of darkness when it comes to depression. My experience is more like a fog: a thing descending slowly; a thick something that surrounds me and distorts the vision of myself and the world around me. One day, there is nothing but sun, and without warning, things that felt like they were on the right path suddenly take a detour into a spiral of failure and rejection that I never saw coming. It floods my chest with what I know, or hope, must be the falsehood of my unimportance. My mind wanders into a list of my mistakes and missteps over the last few decades, and something in the darkness whispers, “You are a failure. Why are you here?” And then sleep decides it wants no part of me. Midnight stretches into 4 a.m., then rolls into 5 and then 6 until it becomes too late to sleep. The alarm will startle me into a new day soon enough. So I just lie there alone, like the forgotten, staring at the blurred walls or ceiling of my bedroom, having given up on wiping the tears from my face. I’ve lived with depression (or something like it) my entire life. I have slid in and out of it as easily as the size 2 jeans that fit only when I know that it has fully welcomed itself back. It is like a rumor that grows quietly and steadily, causing no problems or distractions, reminding me of the time I left the stove on or the last heartbreak or the project that fell through, and that whisper of failure becomes the soundtrack; the blaring, broken jazz in my mind.

10 Celebrities With Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Or Both

08 Apr 2016

Whenever I hit a depression rut, where I feel disabled by the illness and therefore pathetic for being brought to my knees by a bunch of thoughts, it helps me to review celebrities — esteemed politicians, actors, musicians, comedians, astronauts, writers, and athletes — that I admire from both the past and present who have also wrestled the demons of depression andbipolar disorder. I feel less alone knowing that this infuriating condition doesn’t discriminate, and that I’m fighting alongside some of the world’s most talented and accomplished people. Here are a few of the luminaries that have, over the course of their lives, shed some of the stigma of mental illness with their stories and who serve as inspiring role models for those of us in the trenches.

1. Ashley Judd

While visiting her sister, country singer Wynonna Judd, at a treatment center in 2006, counselors suggested that the actress and political activist check herself in, too. So Ashley Judd did just that and spent 47 days in a Texas treatment facility for depression and emotional problems. In a Today interview, she told Matt Lauer:

I was absolutely certifiably crazy, and now I get to have a solution. And for those who are codependent or suffer from depression, there is a solution.

In her memoir, All That Is Bitter and Sweet, Judd describes the abuse and neglect in her turbulent upbringing that led, in part, to her emotional pain and breakdown — and also the hope she feels by focusing on humanitarian work around the world.

Clinical Depression: The Unacknowledged Enemy of the College Student

06 Apr 2016

Ah, spring. The sun is shining, the temperatures are remotely higher than before and the amount of depressive episodes I face will hopefully decrease now that the weather is getting better. Yes, you read that correctly. My name is Maranda and I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. I have days where getting out of bed is the hardest task I have to face that day and I struggle with getting through the day without letting my depression show. I put myself under immense pressure to be the best for everyone else, ignoring my needs. Turns out that I’m not alone. 44 percent of American college students experience symptoms of depression, according to Healthline Network. To make matters worse, 75 percent of college students do not seek help for those mental health problems, and young adults diagnosed with depression are five times more likely to attempt suicide than adults. Why do so many students neglect their mental health during some of their most important years in life? Is it because of the stigma society has put on mental issues? Is it the stubbornness of our generation, where admitting that we need help ultimately means that we are weak or a failure? Or is it the fear that our friends, family or classmates will judge us for having it? All three? If so, I get that. I’ve been there. It’s taken years of pent up emotions and a multitude of bad life experiences for me to finally walk into the Counseling Center and say those three dreadful words: “I need help.” It took two years to admit to my mother that I had once attempted suicide, while I was away at school. I was (and still am) afraid of what everyone in my life thought of me and of the decisions I make on a daily basis. If you’ve experienced that or something similar, I’m sure I know how you feel. But once I did seek help, the weight of the world has slowly been lifted off my shoulders.

Depression and Comedy

02 Apr 2016

The link between depression and comedy is well known; Woody Allen shot to fame joking about low self-esteem, while currently, Maria Bamford and Louis CK turn depression into comic gold — even if, in Bamford’s case at least, the off-stage struggle with it was painful and scary. The British Journal of Psychiatry found in a 2014 study of 523 comedians that they scored “significantly higher” than the norms for depression in four areas, noting, “Most striking was the comedians’ high score on both introverted anhedonia and extroverted impulsiveness.” “Introverted anhedonia” is a good way to describe the humor of talented standup comedian Aparna Nancherla, whose pithy expression of the depressive mindset is gaining her an impassioned following on Twitter, where she contributes one-liners that rival Allen’s in their self-deprecating moroseness.

Tracy Morgan Busts the Black Suicide Myth

28 Mar 2016

Sixteen months after the horrific, near-fatal accident that claimed the life of of one of his closest friends, funnyman Tracy Morgan made a triumphant return to Studio 8F in Rockefeller Plaza. Fellow comedian James “Jimmy Mack” McNair died in the multi-car pileup on a rain-soaked highway in New Jersey, and Morgan was lucky to be alive, he told the Saturday Night Live audience. “I’m back. It feels so good to be here,” Morgan exclaimed from center stage. “You may have seen on the news I was in a terrible car accident a year ago. It was awful. But it also showed me how much love and support I have in this world.” What he did not say as he opened the show that night—and what the audience could not have possibly known—is that after eight days in a coma and amid months in a hospital bed, Morgan suffered a debilitating mental collapse and contemplated taking his own life. “I was in a very dark place,” Morgan told Rolling Stone. “I was sitting right here, contemplating suicide.” His path to recovery was as much about the rigors of physical therapy as it was about making peace with himself and embracing the road ahead.

Morgan battled what is known as “survivor’s guilt.” As he spiraled into depression, trapped in a fog of grief, Morgan blamed himself for the tragic collision that killed McNair.

How Running and Meditation Change the Brains of the Depressed

26 Mar 2016

In 2007, writer Jen A. Miller went through a terrible breakup. (Her ex’s parting words: “I’ll keep you in the top eight of my Myspace friends.”) Soon afterward, her grandfather died. Soon after that, she bought a house and signed the paperwork just months before the recession hit. “I did not handle this well,” Miller wrote in a widely shared 2014 column headlined “Running As Therapy” for the New York Times. “As I was helping my mother pack up her parents’ house, I found myself too drained to move and lay down on the floor and sobbed. My mother suggested I try therapy. I signed up for a 10-mile race instead.”

That column could be seen as an early draft of Miller’s memoir, Running: A Love Story, which is out this week. In it, she details her lifelong relationship with the sport and how the simple act of putting one foot in front of another over 10, 15, or 26.2 miles brought back her mental clarity. In her book, Miller distances herself from the Times headline, writing that she “probably should have sought professional help,” and that she doesn’t mean to suggest self-care is an adequate treatment for the depressed. And it’s true that many severely depressed people are so ill that physical activity becomes impossible; it is also true that seeking professional help is crucial for those who struggle with mental-health issues.

For 80 Years, Young Americans Have Been Getting Anxious and Depressed, and No One is Quite Sure Why

21 Mar 2016

Generally speaking, sweepingly pessimistic statements about society should be taken with a grain of salt. When someone claims pop music is getting much dumber, or college kids are much more prone to mental illness, odds are pretty good the claim in question is a bit overblown. Overall, we’re often more attuned to the negative stories and anecdotes than positive ones, meaning that news coverage of terrible events, for example, can cause us to develop a distorted view of things.

Sometimes, though, there are exceptions. And an interesting, under-discussed one involves young people and mental health. In short: Ever since the 1930s, young people in America have reported feeling increasingly anxious and depressed. And no one knows exactly why.

One of the researchers who has done the most work on this subject is Dr. Jean Twenge, a social psychologist at San Diego State University who is the author of Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled—and More Miserable Than Ever Before.She’s published a handful of articles on this trajectory, and the underlying story, she thinks, is a rather negative one. “I think the research tells us that modern life is not good for mental health,” she said.

A key thing to understand before diving into her argument is that there are important methodological obstacles to accurately gauging how the prevalence of anxiety and depression wax and wane over time. The words “depression” and “anxiety” themselves, after all, mean very different things to someone asked about them in 1935 as compared to 1995, so surveys that invoke these concepts directly only have limited utility for longitudinal study. To get around this, Twenge prefers to rely on surveys and inventories in which respondents are asked about specific symptoms which are frequently correlated with anxiety and depression (she said that there’s a lot of symptomological overlap between the two). Questions like “Do you have trouble falling asleep?” mean similar things in 1935 as compared to 1995.

To Bon Jovi, Whose Music Helped Cure My Depression

29 Feb 2016

This letter is overdue. I’m almost 40 years old now, but my mom introduced me to your music when I was 10. As a child, I suffered from severe vertigo and vomiting and mental health challenges. That led to depression and anxiety so bad, I’m amazed I’m alive today. I spent the majority of my young life in my bed sick and scared, waiting for the room to stop spinning and for my stomach to calm down. Most days, I would pray God would finally decide I had suffered enough and give me the heart attack I so desperately wanted.