I let failure get to me and I was confused if I should be an actor. In eight years whatever I had done had not worked, while other actors were doing well. I stopped listening to scripts as I was very depressed. I loved the people around me and I loved going on the sets, but I isolated myself from everything. My fears took over me. However, now I am not scared anymore.
Now that take guts, especially when you are a known personality. Here are 3 important things he revealed in his interview.
I turned to drugs at a very young age and at 19, I came out of rehab. All that I was going through emotionally led me to that. I was stupid and rebellious. In the last three years I wasn’t in rehab, but yes, I did do drugs. My depression, my failed relationship and losing the person that mattered to me the most (grandmom) – it all broke me. I was at a stage where I did not love myself. Depression and anger are such a bad combo, it leads to bad decisions and obnoxious behaviour. I am cleaning up all that now. I have left that life of drugs and partying behind me. Today, I am stable and sober. Sanjay Dutt had gone through a similar patch when ‘Rocky’ released and it became a huge success. He went on a sabbatical, but he came out stronger. His fans loved him so much that they gave him another chance. I want to share my story with my fans and those who love me. I want to tell them, yes, I have made mistakes but I am here to make up for it. I have turned over a new leaf. More than anything else, I am working on myself right now. I want to love myself and love my life. So no drugs, no cheating, no controversy, no trouble.
Losing His Grandmother
The whole process of losing her was terribly painful. She has given me immense love and all I wanted to do was make her proud, and make her part of my success. I couldn’t live up to it and that made me very angry. I was full of self-pity and was dogged with questions about my life. I wondered why people liked me. Was it because my mother had died? Did they feel bad for me? Maybe, they liked me for all these reasons and not because I was a good actor. All those thoughts tore me apart. After my grandmom passed away, I realised how everything in the past was pretty much my fault, and I had got it all wrong. But over time, I have made peace with myself and all those thoughts are behind me now. I only have gratitude for my parents and others around me.
I didn’t know what to do with myself after I broke up with Amy. It left a void in my life. I am not so good with heartbreak. It is not like I wanted a partner, it is more like I needed one. I thought I won’t be able to survive without a partner. People around me told me that I was trying to fill a void of a female figure in my life, as I didn’t have a mother, and was raised by my grandmom who was so much older. I was scared of not being in a relationship.